Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Fool in Love
Tina Turner said it best: "You're just a fool, you know you're in love... Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're sad. You know you love him, you can't understand. Why he treats you like he do when he's such a good man". They say love makes a fool out of everyone, but it seems that some are more of a fool for love than others. I know a few people who are just dumb as hell behind some guy/ girl. And it never fails, the person their dumb over is never worth anything. Its always some guy who doesnt have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, cant keep a job, cheats, and beats them. Or its some girl who uses her kids as a meal ticket, isnt looking for a job cause her baby daddy and welfare are taking care of her. So, no matter how much you protest this union, the person is just head over heels for this nothing. It like some kind of mind control or something. Everytime you think their about to snap to their senses, they that another sip of the poison kool-aid and fall right back down the rabbit hole. I believe all of this stems from a lack of self love. This person just doesnt love themselves enough to want better, so they take what they can get. Even if that means turning your back on your friends and family and making the nothing your entire world. Ive kinda been there myself. In my first relationship, i let my ex drag me down, but I got out before it was too late and I ended up covered in shit. I just wonder when will these people wake up and realize that "I love you!" doesnt make up for all the fighting, all the abuse, all the heartache. That when the nothing says "I love you!" what they're really saying is "I need you because your the best thing thats ever happened to me. Your too good for me and I know that if I stop playing mind games with you, then you'll realize you can do so much better and leave my sorry behind." You cant force these people to see the truth, trust me ive tried, you just end up being accused of trying to start drama in their "perfect" relationship. Even though they come to you damn near everyday with all of their problems. I suggest these people watch "Whats Love Got To Do With It" over and over until they get the picture.... "Aww... Go to hell Ike!"
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3 comments:
I agree with this wholeheartedly.
I think the MAIN reason people stay in shitty relationships is that they may lack self worth, or feel trapped in some way. I have only been in two "Relationships" my whole life. One at the age of 17 -- one at the age of 20. Both lasted less than 6 months. Both were awful. I dealt with a mentally disturbed emo suicidal mess when I was 17 -- and a cheater with WAYYYY more issues than I originally believed he had. Both were utterly TOXIC in every single way. My last ex seemed ok when I first met him -- but I got involved way too fast. Turned out not only was he on 3 diff meds, he was a horrible sexually compulsive addict, and had siezures every 5 minutes. But I loved him. I allowed him to call me fat, to squeeze parts of my naked body and tell me I would look better if I was smaller. To belittle me every possible way, and then on top of that I allowed him to cheat left and right. I was just so afraid of being alone. I hated myself. My whole life I have been made fun of for my skin color, weight...anything imaginable. I have been conditioned by my peers not to love myself, so even in my adult mind, theres a tiny tiny tiny voice always present that I have to extinguish when I feel it building up. This voice does not rule my life now. But it used to. This voice told me I wasnt worth it -- I wasnt attractive, I wasnt deserving of the love of a good man (or woman) and that I should take what I can get. It was so bad, even when I had lost all the weight and got me sum muscle a few yrs ago -- and despite I have always been skinnier than my ex...despite I had people following me in the stree trynna holla...I still thought I wasnt attractive, and that I was ugly...and not deserving of love. Its almost like a sickness. self hatred will truely "blind" you to any and everything. MOst of what we call "love" is actually a twisted version of dependancy. True love is not parasitic like most relationships are. Either both benefit equally, or its a parasitic relationship. True love is a state of symbiosis. scratch my back I scratch yours. Love me I love you. Be there for me I be there for you. Different, but equal. sorry -- my first comment was off the chain...this one was only half of what I Originally said. :-(
Michael...I think you are partly right. I think love is something that has to do with self-worth. You find someone who you appreciate, who you prize very highly (for whatever reason) and that you are so fortunate to be with them. (By you, I mean people in general, not you specifically) But I think that what people think of and accept as love is also partly derived from a selfishness. ALmost like a drug or an addiction. If someone you value is giving you the time of day, let alone sharing their space, their life with you, that triggers some euphoria, some high that can reinforces those behaviors and triggers those good emotions. You can easily justify being taken advantage of or mistreated, because you get that good good fix.
Now, I also think that positive reinforcement also come with actual love between two people with mutual respect and admiration. I think people are not very good at controlling when that feeling comes on. Yes, true love, just like infatuation, can provide a natural high, but you just have to be very discriminatory and discretionary about who you share it with, because the effects are somethin' serious.
And here's my thoughts... Without experiencing the ugly side of love, how are you ever to know what is truly beautiful,.. Only thing is you should ask yourself after these bad situations, "What have I learned from this? and what can I do better next time?"
Now unless you one of the few lucky ones who got it with the first shot, this takes time and patience.. Love is tricky and esspecially dealing with PEOPLE you got to be careufl because every person is different and has some sort of something.... For me, i learned it was a process that started with myself.. learning to love and appreciate me for me wholeheartedly.. I am my best friend, my best lover and NOBODY can and will ever treat me and know me better than me... next comes befriending that love interest.. getting to know them.. it takes 2 months or more to truly know somebody and know that this is the somebody you want in your life for a long time. I always say look before you leap... Get to know this person before you let them full into your personal space... Once you get pass all that.. it should have been a few months to a year... you make it that long without any terrible ugly happening.. you gonna be alright....
You just gotta be AWARE of the warning signs... keep CLOSE friends near to tell you what you can't see... keep your mind and eyes open.. If you already arguing in the first week or month... be careful.... We all know better.. lets not play stupid anymore.
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