Here we go again....

So i know i havent wrote anything in awhile, ive just been busy. My year started off really well. I got a better job, i started school, and i recently bought a car. I should be on top of the world, and i am, but there is still that part of me that feels incomplete. I feel ashamed of myself at times cause i cant just be content with myself. Not to say that i need someone to validate my existence, but whats the use of enjoying life if you have no one to enjoy it with? Why is it no matter how many good things we have in our lives, all we can focus on is what we dont have? I feel like this is all i can talk about, but i still dont have love. That undeniable love that you would go to the ends of the earth and back for. That one person that you cant imagine yourself being without. Why is it so hard to find this person? People say that if you stop looking for it, love will find you. But how do you stop looking for something that you want so badly? Thats like telling a child that santa will only bring them gifts if they stop believeing in him. You cant want something and not look for it at the sametime. People also say that love only comes to those who are open to it. Well what does that mean? I feel like im very open to love. I believe in it so much. Sometime i try not to believe, but thats like trying not to breath. Im a hopeless romantic! I know its so sappy and cliche, but i love the scenes in movies when someone finally realizes that their in love and they go chasing after that love. (Usually its in the rain and they show up unexpectedly to make this grand gesture of their undying love for someone) I believe in that. The good and the bad, just listen to song by Mary J. Blige "What love is" Its a great song that i connect with so much. I was watching a movie today and they said "Love is not a feeling, its an ability!" I think that statement is so true. So many people dont have the ability to truly love. I meet guys sometimes and it seems like all they want is the physical. They dont want anything deeper and purer. I wonder sometimes should i just give in and become like everyone else. I just cant though. It goes against the very essence of who i am. I want a soulmate, not a bedmate. Maybe ill find it one day. Patience is a virtue!